Comparing yourself and your relationship to other military wives just is something we all do, when in reality we shouldn’t at all. Between being a working spouse, stay at home spouse, husbands a higher or lesser rank than others – there’s a lot of “competition” to see who knows more, how or who is better than who. When I stopped checking the Navy Wife Facebook support pages for our command and stopped comparing myself to veteran wives who seemed to have it all together, my life got significantly better. 100% within minutes. Here are a few tips and experiences to help you and know why you shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone else.
You are perfect just the way you are.
Lets start off with how great you are! Everyone is unique and yes, it’s hard to see yourself in a positive light sometimes. It’s okay to have down days, but never forget how special you are. That’s the most important thing.
Gossip is bad for the soul.
Gossip is a terrible thing and it can get under your skin easily. When you’re gossiping about others, or being gossiped about – it’s hurtful and can really upset you or others. I found that once I cut out my “friends” who lived for gossiping and pointing out spouses that weren’t “on their level”, my life took a turn for the better and my mood improved tremendously. Comparing yourself to others, especially when you think you’re better than they are – it just isn’t nice. You never know what someone else may be going through, or maybe you just don’t mesh well with each other. That’s okay too. Bottom line is: when you seek approval of yourself by putting other’s down you’ll always have the fear of failure or not being good enough. This will lead the vicious cycle of always looking for someone “worse” than you to make yourself feel better.
It’s damaging to your sense of self.
When you are constantly comparing yourself to others, it’s actually scientifically proven that it can lead to envy, depression and low self-esteem. You should always love yourself for you who are, self-love is so important.
Don’t compare your middle to someone else’s end.
This is one of my mantras! It’s so hard sometimes when you see someone who is doing so well for themselves and you have the same goals or want to be where they are, but you know they’ve worked so hard to get where they are. It’s the same kind of thing when in the military spouse community. For example, say your new to a command and learning the ways of military life. Don’t go comparing yourself to someone whos been there for years and really has their sh*t together. It’s so not the same! Just don’t do it.
Do this exercise: In the comment section, or on a piece of paper if you don’t want to share publicly. Write what you compare yourself to. The goal is to understand why you shouldn’t compare yourself to a uniquely different person than yourself. I hope you find this liberating and it really helps you.